If you’re a woman in your thirties, or even forties, who finds yourself struggling with the baby or no baby decision, then you’re going to love today’s guest on Romance your Tribe Radio.
Today I introduce you to Lisa McDonald, a brilliant woman who has been one of my VIP members for years. During that time I’ve been privileged to witness Lisa relaunch her personal coaching business after time off to become a mum and then step up to claim her specialty of helping women get clarity on “The Whole Baby Thing”, when they are struggling to determine what is the right decision for their personal happiness and goals.
This is especially relevant for women who are in their 30’s, and even 40’s who are feeling the pressure of time running out to make a decision, when they are also building a business or career.
We dive into WHY this decision has become so difficult for women in recent years and how the abundance of options (and problems) now available has added a complexity that leaves many women with “Analysis Paralysis” that stops them making decisions. In too many cases, indecision teams up with biology and makes the decision for you!
Here’s what you’ll discover today:
- A life philosophy Lisa learned at a very young age and how that impacted her own journey on deciding on motherhood or not as the right choice for herself.
- What body-building has to do with fear and freedom
- Lisa shares her story of being 41, no children, no relationship and the process she went through to decide if she even WANTED to have children, and if she did, how she was going to make that happen!
- How Lisa eventually gave birth at 47 years of age to her son Charlie, and her insight into the obstacles women face when trying to conceive so late in life.
- Behind the scenes of the research and interviews Lisa did while writing her book “The Whole Baby Thing” – each case study is from a woman who made a DIFFERENT choice that was right for HER and how each knew she had made the right decision.
- What happens when women are the main provider in a family or their income is a significant component of the household income and how that impacts on The Whole Baby Thing decision.
- The 3 questions a woman needs to answer to get certainty on what decision is right for them personally
- Why making rational, conscious decisions does NOT work in this scenario and the importance of tapping into your subconscious to get clarity on the RIGHT choice for you (plus a simple strategy you can use this week to help you tap into your subconscious).
- Extended questions you can ask yourself to get deeper clarity on your personal choice.
Plus a special bonus for you today. Download Lisa’s guide to the extended 8 questions you need to answer to confidently make the decision that is right for you personally when faced with the baby or no baby decision. You can grab a copy for free here.
You can watch the video, listen to the audio, download from the podcast directory, or read the transcript below. Never miss an episode. Click here for all the ways you can subscribe.
Health Pursuit is the creation of Lisa McDonald, a Strategic Life Management Coach, who is passionate about helping clients to reach the next level in their lives. She is an inspired individual who has the ability to commit and apply herself towards achieving results.
Lisa has 20+ years work experience, having worked in both small and large organisations in a variety of industries. She has strong skills assisting individuals to connect with their passions, create an inspiring future, consolidating, re-inventing, implementation, personal growth and achievement of successful results.
A Special Message From Janet
Thank you so much for being here. I know there are a lot of podcasts you could choose to listen to and you chose to join me on Romance Your Tribe Radio.
I’m honoured and grateful for your support.
If you enjoyed this week’s episode, I’d love for you to take a quick minute to share your thoughts with us and leave an honest review and rating for the show over on iTunes!
Read The Transcript Here
Janet Beckers: Hello and welcome everybody. Janet Beckers here and I’ve got a very special guest with us today here, Lisa McDonald. Hi Lisa.
Lisa McDonald: Hi Janet! Hi everybody!
Janet Beckers: Hi, it’s, I’m so pleased to have Lisa with us. Lisa and I have known each other for years and it’s been such a privilege to be part of the, the real stepping up that Lisa has been doing in her, you know, very well established coaching business and one of the really exciting parts is seeing her develop this real specialty on being able to help women who and growing their businesses who are ready to step up into their businesses. But they’re stuck at that decision of, you know what, I’m at that kind of breeding age and I’m not quite sure on the whole baby thing, do I want to have a child? Do I not want to have a child? What is the right thing for me that so often it can be holding people back and she’s, so we’re going to be shooting, we’re going to be sharing today like you know, the whole process of their, the whole baby thing.
And we’re going to be covering three really important questions that you need to be asking yourself so that you know that you’ve made the right decisions. So it’s, it’s really exciting to have you here, Lisa. It’s exciting to be here doing thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So what I thought we would do as to start with, I would love to be able to hear like your story to share with people from somebody like you who is an experienced coach who helps people to reach goals and make decisions. Why have you really focused here and been doing your research on how to help women with this big decision on the whole baby thing. So what’s inspired you to do that?
Lisa McDonald: Well Janet, really the whole baby thing is such a big thing really because women’s fertility window is quite long or you know, you think about, you know, the average age is probably around 12 that a woman gets her cycle and you know 52 is not an unusual time for women to still befertile. But you know, we have these different patterns about what we think we’re going to do and you know, we have to make choices as we get older as to which direction that we’re going to go. Now for me, when I was in primary schools, I probably back then I may be grade 2, grade 4, something like that. I remember being with my grandmother who was sitting in the chair, she was in her eighties, I think by that stage. And she said, you know, I’ve already forgot to take me when he’s ready.
I’ve had a fantastic life and I’m ready to go. I have no, it wasn’t that she wanted to go, she was ready. And I was so touched in something that really is just one of those defining moments I think really in your mind, that’s what I want to buy. I want to get to the end of my life and think I’ve done everything that I wanted to do. You know, we don’t all know exactly how long we’re going to be around for. My grandma happened to be around for a hundred years, well, you don’t know personally how long are we going to be around? So it sort of really developed a philosophy, my philosophy for me to go out and do the things that I wanted to do and setting goals be kind one way that I live that out and create a new experiences and things like that for myself.
Janet Beckers: How fortunate for you too, you know, at quite a young age to have had that lesson at that particular time, that obviously really resonated with you, that you know, to have that Aha then at a young age because a lot of times, you know, people may never actually have that feeling of, you know, I’ll just want to go for it. You know, they may never have that or if they do then physically not quite capable of being able to do as much by the time they do that. So that’s, yeah, I love the idea that it was so young and go granny, like what an awesome approach to life, you know, reflect back that way.
Lisa McDonald: Oh, she was, she was a fabulous woman, cried philosophy. And I think it’s a really important thing for me to being a female because I grew up in a very traditional household. I was one of thought, I had three older brothers, you know, and so my parents are very about, you know, you do this because you’re a female and that kind of thing. So you have sort of a mindset. So I think what that helped me to do is perhaps break out of that traditional mindset way. You know, that I had to do things a certain way because I was a female, cause we all pop up against those things. But I think that really helped me to think about, well, what’s right for me and what’s gonna make me happy. At the end of my life, whenever that happens to me. Yeah. And as a result of that, you know, look for opportunities to have new experiences and to do things that aren’t able to really grow.
Lisa McDonald: So one of the things that I did a few years ago, a number of years guy, now I’m back in 2003, it was I did a bodybuilding competition cause I had a fear of being on stage. So I used that as a way to work on my fitness and my strengths and so forth. But it also, and I will make the personal growth to be able to get up on the stage and to work towards that. And that was a pretty big gall. I managed to qualify for the international competition. So I again, you know, that was just going up, creating a new experience and I think that’s really important thing for women. And it’s a thing that gets overlooked sometimes and that’s that women are more than just a wound, you know, where you had interests and you know, the modern woman Nichols as quite often got a career or businessyou know, and it’s better set up financially. So her expectations about what she wants for her life is quite different to, you know, like when my grandmother brought, was brought up in 1893, you know, it’s like life in times charms and she…
Janet Beckers: And so I can see how you’ve got that, you know, being able to do what you want to make your own decisions. I can see then how that ties in with, you know, helping other women to be able to make, you know, to, to do what they want to do, to have those choices. So why, cause I know that your, your, your book, you’ve been writing a book and it’s almost finished, isn’t it? The A, what’s it called?
Lisa McDonald: The whole baby thing. Exploring, divided the old NY baby.
Janet Beckers: Excellent. Yeah. And it’s been really interesting watching the research in the, in terms of personal interviews that you’ve been doing with people on both the issues, but also the different choices that they made and how each one was right for each woman. So I’m curious for you, out of all of the different topics, why did you choose that mind? Like, what’s, what’s your story that’s made you so uniquely qualified as oppose to Ha, to be writing this book and to be guiding women through this process?
Lisa McDonald: Well, I think it’s freedom is always been very high on my values. You know, creating what it is that we want. But part of that is to create a snapshot of really what you want to have in your life. And along the way, you know, I thought it was thought, well, you know, that I’d have a child one day. The y things panned out in my life were a bit different to pets, what I imagined when I was younger. So I got married and that only lasted a short time. And then I had a series of not so good relationships. And then I hit 40, and you know, I wasn’t anyway there having those kinds of things. I was still single. And no child nowhere in sight at that point. And so I had a bit of a belt in really I think 40 was just one of those birthdays for me.
I had always believed that, you know, it’s still possible and I did lots of things to keep my options. I’ve been including work with a natural path to maintain the balance of my hormones and so forth. But you know, it can be a really difficult time because you’re having to read a fine where you’re at and what it is that you’re striving towards. And you know, at 40 you can’t muck around. If you wanna have kids, then you’ve got to create a clear direction forwards. But also as well, if you decide that that’s not for you, you’ve got to be able to create that as well because, you know roundabout 41 is really where the state drop off in fertility. So and women who decided to try and go that journey of course are then faced with increased risks of Bowery I a that that’s fight can say or where the vein pregnancies time lost.
So, and for me it’s, it was such a, it’s such a big thing for many women because they’re trying to navigate their way through well, what is really, really important to me. For some women it’s about what does that mean to be a woman? You know, growing up in a traditional sort of family, you know, I remember my dad talking about, oh, you know, it doesn’t matter what you do there cause you just going to get married and had babies because that was the devil that he had in his world. And, and, and that’s all good and fun. But then when you, when you’re rich and Tom in your life where you’re kind of making those decisions that you’ve got all this conditioning insight as to, you know, what do you think for yourself what is, what is being a woman to you?
What do you need to be your, what do you need to be a mother? If you’re trying and you’re not succeeding, what does all that mean? Cause you can feel like quota, a failure when you haven’t been up pull dice things together. For me, we need to be able to live our life to be happy and fulfilled no matter whether we choose to have a child or not and throw all the fowl years and different parts of my long journey. I really had to come to terms with that at a number of different stages as to you know, where w Wayne was. I acted, I still want to try for that or did I want to just go, okay, no, that’s, that’s it. But you know, there’s a lot of thought that has to go into that because there’s emotions and things like that taught up.
But what I found is that the more you can get to the step and say, release yourself of the tie to the outcome, it actually makes it easier to move forward. So what you call a true choice point because you’re not being motivated by a perceived void or something that you’re gonna miss out on the May. I actually did my ed 40. I met my partner who’s now my husband, and we did go on the journey of trying to conceive and going through that journey. Lots of not having anything happen. Some really short term, I don’t know if you know, you call them pregnancies quite at that point then. And I had a miscarriage at nine and a half waits to at h and I spots you’re having to deal with all the issues that are associated with that. And in t in, you know, you’re trying to manage your business and finances and relationship in amongst all of that. And then with when there’s values, considering whether you’re going to pursue alternative routes, which which we did. So we ended up trying IVF and went through a number of cycles and I read the magic birthday where they weren’t collecting eggs anymore. And unfortunately,
Janet Beckers: Yeah. So you can be feeling like decisions are being made for you. Yeah.
Lisa McDonald: What was the closing? And you know, but it’s an opportunity there to I think every step of that way for any woman. It’s an opportunity to reassess first with the primary question of do I actually want to have a child to revisit that? And secondly, if you do, okay, what else am I willing to do or try in order to increase my chances of success? So we did five VF that door closed. And the doctor said volts. The best opportunity for you now really is to do donor and to do it overseas. Because at that time there really wasn’t many people around where you could get access to donor eggs. I thought that’s actually what we ended up doing. We combined that with our wedding. Which was one of the things that we were trying to plan you Victoria, and try and thinking, oh, maybe you know, what’s going to happen? We could be pregnant at this time, so how are we going to manage all of that? And John, but we were lucky enough that we can say my son who’s now three and a half, so I had an [inaudible]
Janet Beckers: 47 and a half years old, 47 and Charlie is gorgeous. He’s such a beautiful character. Yeah. The thing that I love about your story there, Lisa, is like if, if you’ve got you know, if people are listening to this and you’re thinking, well, you know you know, I’ve got, oh, you bet. You might be thinking. Yeah, absolutely. I know I can really relate to a lot of the parts of the stories that Lisa has had there of making those assumptions, but then getting to 40 and thinking, oh crap, you know, I’ve got to make a decision which way I want to go. And Are you happy with that? And, but in each part they’re going along is you know, you to know that if you’re thinking about, you know, all the different types of potential journeys that there are, if you decide that you’re going to be going and decided to have a child or if you decide that you know, things are going okay laces but you’ve done them all, like you’ve kind of gone through every process.
But I love how you’ve gone each time. Well you know, I saw them as opportunities just to reevaluate, you know, what do I really want, which is to me is the crux of what you do is really helping women to get super duper clear on what do they want, like what’s right for them. And I love how you went through that process the whole time. So well we might just move over to now is cause you talked a bit there about the different feelings that you had at each stage and those times of, you know, what the things that you had to take into consideration. The Times when you’ve got looking at the decisions are being made. For me, options are being removed. So I have reevaluate. So these were the ones that you went through. Now as part of the your book, which is really quite close to being able to get out there and get published now, which is very exciting. You interviewed a lot of women, didn’t you? So it was sort of like from two sides of it, wasn’t it? What, what were the purpose of doing those interviews?
Lisa McDonald: Because [inaudible] I don’t think that women have to have a baby heavy. The realities is that women can be just as happy with that. Some women, some women are really clear. I do not want to have a child and that never changes for them. Some women are very clear that I want to have a child because for some of them in amongst it, there are some people who change their mind. Okay. But yeah, plenty of people who are very adamant for at very young age about what I want. And lots of people kind of in between [inaudible] set up thing. Oh, I’ll always thought it would happen, but it didn’t happen. And if we defined ourself with as women just around having a baby, you know, that’s just a recipe for all sorts of problems the way that you do or you don’t have a child because that’s been inducted into their thinking to a certain degree in, in many cases in our society and in families and things like that, is that we’ve got to evolve past that.
We’ve got to flush out what’s been going on at a subconscious level. So we can really look at those things and say, okay, that’s the framework that’s been part of what I was brought up with. But is that actually what’s right for me? And it’s, it’s not necessarily, and the women who aren’t able to, for a variety of reasons, to have a child, there’s still alternative routes if they want to be a mother is other forms that will turn into mouth rank that like, good, I can do. But equally, if a woman doesn’t want that, there’s plenty of other ways to create a fulfilling life. It’s not the Bale and angel. This all sorts of reasons why we even choose not to have it. And some of them, most of them actually like kids. So it’s not that they’d have a problem with not liking kids, contrary to what some people think, but they’re still going to navigate their way through their own beliefs and feelings around that, but also have society interacts with them.
You know, you go at anywhere networking or potty or whatnot. And one of the questions that gets us from many women, it’s like that, you know, have you got kids or are you gonna have a baby? Or when are you gonna have a baby? And that can trigger a whole bunch of stuff for ’em all along the spectrum of where a person sits in relation to having a child. But the clearer you are about choice, the list, that’s an issue for you. So I want women to feel free to make choices based on what’s right for them rather than somebody else telling them what they should do. And in order to do that, and also as well, if, if you do that by someone else, people think there’s increased chance of regret or bet your choices. I like PayPal type responsibility for themselves to the work and actually figure out what’s right them. So, yes. So when I did the interviews, I intentionally looked for a balance of women who chose to not have children and women who chose to have children and some people, you know, explore different alternative ways of parenting. And somebody else said as well, that was very neutral about the whole thing. Yeah, I love that idea. So you’ve actually
Janet Beckers: Research and on that point for all these beautiful case studies of people who made decisions and it was the right decision for them. So I love that idea and those insights, and that’s a really core part of the book, isn’t it? And you also did the research on the other side for interviewing women who weren’t quite sure about what they wanted to do to find out what, what are the problems that they were going through. So if we can just look at some of those, what are the main things that people are saying is the things that are, that they’re really getting stuck on making the decisions. So the main issues, and if you’re, if you’re, if you’re listening to this and you’re thinking, you know what this is, they said, this is a decision that I’m making at the moment. You know, the whole baby thing and you know, trying to get that clarity. I’ll be really interested to hear if you can relate to these main issues that women were bringing out.
Lisa McDonald: One of the biggest ones, Jen, is uncertainty. You know, we, especially as business owners and people who’ve had careers, you know, you’ve had a way of, you know, this is what I’m going to do when you go out and do it and have come to become accustomed to just doing the things that are required in order to achieve a result. And you open up the whole Bybee thing, the conversation and this, so many uncertainties in there is not guarantees. If you try that, you can say there’s just so many uncertainties. This, you know, we may have created a position for themselves in their career and their finances and their home life and their lot stuff. But what would happen if this a child day, how does that all happen? How would, how would, what a cart that, what would my life be like?
Who would I be? I don’t want to be lost in being just someone’s mother. There’s a whole lot of identity issues that come up for people. There’s questions about will finances, you know, a lot of women who are running businesses or in Korea, you know, in some cases they are the primary breadwinner in the family. So what happens if they’re pregnant and they’re off work or whatnot? Yeah. Say things to think about you know, what support network do they have? Are they in the relationship? Cause some women are not in a relationship and you know, and this giant age too, you’ve got not just been in wing couples. You’ve got same six couples too. You know, it’s, it’s the same kind of issues that they go through, but obviously they have the addition of requiring a sperm in that, in there.
But you know, relationship and my, do I pursue trying to find the right man, you know, this doesn’t have to be the ever up to man or does it have to be someone who can effectively donate the sperm or friend or what are the parameters around relationship can, like, just go and do it themselves. And, and there’s so many choices now. It’s, I, to me, that’s one of the biggest things and that’s really part of the basis of the book is that it’s a model dilemma. We might have so many choices now, but we choice comes responsibility. You know, we’ve got to take responsibility for making a right decision and the consequences that are part of that decision. And, you know, if you stop ever pathway that you choose, you might have to be looking, considering things like religious views. It could be moral issues, legal issues.
And you know, say there could be lots of different issues that come up as a byproduct of going through it. So there’s so much uncertainty, finances, relationships, health, you know, is my body actually up to it? Am I going to have the energy levels to this? A lot of different things and particularly in that age group of so the books really looking initially with thirties and forties, but they certainly because of alternative means to women in their fifties that are trying to conceive to which some people say that it isn’t possible. Women have always had kids at that age, as long as you mainstream writing, there’s potential for you to can save. So I ladies out there who are not sure or don’t want kids keep using contraception that they say it’s two years after a cycle, if you before 50 and one year with no cycle. For women who have turned 50. So, and in heparin pregnancy, I don’t want to get pregnant. Math, that decision became one of the interesting things I found in the book. You know, what else doing the research is that the statistics of all the women’s, I like I have 35 and forties and even high forties, the percentage of abortions or unexpected pregnancies in that age group is now much harder than teen pregnancies.
Janet Beckers: Really? Oh, there you go. Oh, there you go. So it’s interesting because that will quite often be, you know, for a lot of the women who will be listening to this are either in established businesses or they’re in a startup business. And so you talked about uncertainty. So a lot of them may be in that Bryce in that age bracket where they’re going, right. You know, do I still have options? Can I make this decision? But you know, when you said right there at the very beginning about uncertainty, because in business especially, you know, when you’re in the startup phase or you know, it’s just in the first few years, there is already a lot of uncertainty. And so this is a particularly question for women who are say, you know, over their thirties, I haven’t 35 moving on who are also in a business that may be in a startup when there is already a lot of that uncertainty to leave these sorts of decisions on the back burner can very often be sabotaging your growth in the business because they can be seeming to be already too much uncertainty there. So what we might segue over into now as you were mentioning, we were saying at the beginning that you’ve got three questions that women can be asking themselves now that it’s going to help them to make that decision. So they have got some clarity there as well. So should we go over into those there
Lisa McDonald: And slowly these questions are part of them. I’m a race all set up, put together. They’ve got questions but I thought fitted I that we just covered off three of the questions. One of those is the first question is do you believe you can be happy with what we had a child, right? I think this is an important place to start because it’s a bet your beliefs and your conditioning. And if you, when you ask yourself that question, you look at what’s the immediate response that comes up. But also what can happen is that there can be a disconnection between your head and your heart if you’re looking at it that way. Is that you might say, of course, of course I get that. Of course I can be happy. But really deep inside is that actually what you believe? Do you believe that you can be happy? Whichever scenario. And if you don’t, to be able to journal and explore those things behind that, looking at what your beliefs are, what you conditionings are, and to look at it through the prism of who you are now, when you live and what you want to create in the future as you go forward. So it’s a really important question, but just starting off to look at, do you really believe that you can be happy either way?
And then obviously if it, depending on the answers that you have to, that question is then being able to explore a bit further at perhaps what some of the blocks are because they subconscious things will be sitting there triggering you off with their terrain. And realize one of the things that a lot of people don’t realize is that 90% of how we operate is through our subconscious and only 10% conscious. So 90% is all your programming. And in order to create a new way forward, sometimes we’ve got to look up where, where we’ve come from or what ideas are still sitting there to be able to reshape our future by some what it is that we truly wanted. A second question that I have these, how do you react when people ask you questions about babies? You know are you going to have a baby?
Do you have kids? As with this mentioned before, quite often in business worlds and socializing, people will ask those questions really common. And for some people it’s warmed up enough. Expect me. The clearer you are about what your choices and where you are in your life. If you’re really, really clear, it’ll just be water for ducks back. But if there’s something else going on, you could react to it. So whether you react publicly, so we’re in a way that other people see, you know, you could get angry, hostile, some people get but inside there’s something else going on. So in the mind, one thing and in the, in the boarding perhaps something else. So as I said, whether that’s something that you outwardly show or whether you just know that you’re stood up by that question it’s a really good question to ask to say what’s, what’s being triggered off within you to be looked at because those triggering responses are controlling your behavior and where your emotions are is where your energy goes.
So by clearing up those things, you get to have more energy to put towards the things that you want to rather than tied up in the toy room or and you know, these things can also be a guide in terms of direction too. And things that we need to clarify. And so you mentioned previously about journaling. So would that be a good activity for people to do here is on these two questions and then also we’ll, we’ll tell you where to go. So you can get at least as resource on the whole eight questions. Is, would that journaling, would that be one of the first important steps for people to, that they can do this week that’s going to help them to start to get clarity. Like when I am initially interviewed some of the women who are going through these challenges, I ask them, you know, what would be a useful resource and they said a series of questions that when able then to journal to keep thinking about and reflect on, on what’s going on for them to get some insights.
I generally absolutely. So one of the other ways that can be tied in with that too with the journaling can be used in conjunction with or separate to is meditation where you do hear similar things. So because you want to be able to quarterly the mind dam and calm the body. Cause when the mind is in turmoil, the body is in turmoil too. Now one of the things that a lot of people don’t realize is the very same part of your brain that you use to protect. So when you feel under threat physically or because an idea of brain challenge is the very same part of your Brian that use used. So you can’t create and protect yourself at the same time. Right? Like all right, yeah, that’s a good step. So, so in asking some of these questions, what can be really important to do first is to create a space for yourself to ask the questions where you’re quieting the mind down and calming the body down so that when you ask the questions you can kind of read into it and feel what’s actually coming up. You know, am I feeling a reaction? So I sometimes people just look at what’s going on in their head. But you’ve also got to look at what’s going on in the body because your body actually stores your emotions and things like that. So meditation in general, absolutely a fantastic wise to, to kickstart the process of looking at what’s going on there. And cause obviously then you can look at what direction you need to go, what steps do you need to take if you’ve got stuff must technical word stuff.
Janet Beckers: Yeah. Yeah. Cause that’s the thing is, you know, even knowing do I need some help to get through this process is having that quiet moment and then journaling on these first two questions and we’ve still got a third one to go is journaling on that allows you to go, Whoa, I actually do get really triggered by this. And you know, we, I think we’ve probably all witnessed it. You know, sometimes you’ll say to somebody, oh, have you got kids? And it’ll be, no, no, don’t want them, don’t want them. Why do you want to ask me that? Everybody asks me or it will be like, it’ll trigger grief. He can see it on their face as soon as you asked that question. And so I think all of us have to have witnessed other people’s being triggered, but you might not recognize it yourself. So I think that’s a really powerful thing so that you can recognize, oh okay, there is a trigger here. I’m going to need some help to get through this to get some clarities. So yeah, that’s I, I love that. So, and the third question, Lisa Christian
Lisa McDonald: Is one that I suppose comes into all of the other questions, but it will fire cause then that is… What do I need to have in place if I want to have a child or if I don’t want to have a child, what do I need to have in place that’ll actually help me to create the life, the want to create? So obviously for somebody who is deciding you might want to be dirty, things that keeps your options open for you. If you’re really clear, no, I don’t want to have a child, then what is it that you need to put in place to create a life that fulfills you and the sign? Guys, it’s exactly the same thing to someone who’s looking at having a child is that what do I need to have in place in order to create a life that fulfills me? So what do I need to have in place? Financially, what do I need to have in place in a relationship?
Do I need to find a relationship? Do I need to ditch the one off? Got you know, you’ve got all those kinds of things and help because in order to conceive and to have a pregnancy and to function with high energy levels and to be able to do all the things that you want to do, you need to have good health. Each of those things that you might look at if you’re having baby that absolutely the same things that woman not wanting to have a child or thinking not having a child. Nice to do. Yeah. We all need to make sure that we’re doing things to keep our finances in order way. I need to make sure that we have the relationship in life that we want, you know, whether it’s friendship partner or whatnot. And you know, we need to be looking after a house.
So, you know, I’m a big advocate for all of those things. For any, we run into my, that’s part of where the whole baby thing comes in because it’s irrespective. It’s about taking control of your life, figuring out what’s most important to you, what are the right, what’s right for you, and how do I create that? So creating a plan is that natural of the big question there is creating a plan to get, take you from where you are now, whether that’s in a place of confusion or uncertainty or you know, some people kind of sitting on the fence, you know, it’s like so in order to make a decision to get off the fence, what does it you need to have in place? If you’re thinking that you might want to have a child, what other things do you feel you need to find the answers to offer solution so you can be really clear in a decision, literally is a very uncomfortable thing to do.
That’s best we get. Split doesn’t give up and it’s drains a lot of energies. So while you’ve got all this confusion going on, the energy is low training up being set. Whereas you could be putting that energy into whatever it is that you want. If you want to do all that, you can put an energy into that if you want. You know something else, some other goal that you’re working towards. It’s all about making sure that your energy is supporting where you want to go in the direction. And when you confused, you can kind of flip flop around, which means that your nursing your energy and that’s got consequences. I resigned. Oh, you’ve got emotional consequences, mental concepts and energy. And you’re not going to create the results in your business. In any other drill off if you’re flip flopping around. And some women just keep putting the decision off but you know, they’re not getting any younger. And as I said before, the older you get, the more things struck off. It’s still possible for women to have babies in their forties, as we said, that’s not a new thing. I mean having babies later in life for forever, but most women unconsciously during that, you know, going back to it, most people would have completed their families by that stage of the game. It’s certainly possible. So and like getting really clear about what’s important is crucial.
Janet Beckers: Absolutely. I like what you were saying before, it’s around, you know, you’ve got choice, you know, it’s about you having control. I have of what you’re going to be doing in your life. And if you just either going, look, you know, I’m just going to avoid this, will you basically I’m making a decision. Yes, you’re, you’re not having control. You just, you know, not taking responsibility for the decision. But the other side of it is, and this is a big one that I have found on any decisions that ha that really hold me back. That will exactly. You talked about blocking that energy, all those sorts of things that can make it very difficult for you to grow your business and expand on it because that energy has been locked is one of the first things where I find myself is that, you know what?
I can try and work this out. And sometimes journaling, it will help me work out where I need the help. But to do it yourself, sometimes it’s very, very difficult because as you said at the beginning, it’s your subconscious that’s doing this stuff, not your conscious. And it’s very, very difficult, you know, to be able to tap into that subconscious yourself to be able to work through the issues, to get past that blockage. So that’s why I always have coaches for different things. You know, like I have one at the moment who’s helping me become unblocked on the next level. And I’m going at my business because there was an emotional block, right? I need some help. This is the person that helped me. Let’s just get it done. The site. That’s why I always think with this sort of thing, if you can work out, okay, this is blocking me from making a decision and this is blocking me from being able to make that plan is you, you might have worked through that yourself. But I, you know, having somebody who’s got the skills to help, to tap into your subconscious and finding what’s really happening is going to make it so that it’s going to happen so much faster so that you can then unleash that on energy. And as you were saying, Lisa, in this question in particular, there is a timeliness so it doesn’t get easier with time.
Lisa McDonald: It’s and that’s, it’s when people find themselves, like the other thing that I meant I mentioned to you in terms of relationship is we’re living in a time where relationships, even people hate potting her up, going through all sorts of changes because people separate much faster, but they’re all sort of great partnering and sometimes when people are right partnering, last questions come back up again because any patna w do they want kids? Do they not want kids to the one bulk kids not want more kids? And I say, just when you think [inaudible] you’ve got into thirties and forties and this and all these, not tonight, to make those decisions, you might have to revisit some of those things because of change of circumstances. So,
Janet Beckers: Yeah. Yep. Good point. This is pain. Ah, I mean, this is such a valuable discussion for us to have. I know that a lot of the people who listen to this podcast, Holly, beautiful people the majority women and if your, you know, in men and you’ve got these decisions that are going to be made with the women in your life, you know, about, you know, the whole child thing. So it’s such an important discussion to have because this can be the thing that can be sabotaging the growth in your business. And if you’re listening to this podcast, it’s very likely you’re in business or really wanting to. So, you know, this is something you can’t ignore. And so I’m so pleased to have these discussions. I can’t wait for book to come out. And so Lisa, where can people go to get this extra resource that you’ve talked about and how can they connect with you?
Lisa McDonald: Absolutely Janet. So if you’d like to go along and get the eight questions which explained in much more detail than we kind of covered off till I really but then there were opportunities for you to in your own quiet space to ask the questions and reflect and look at where you need to go in terms of a direction that said, culturally, mcdonald.com backslash t w B t for the whole baby thing, the whole baby thing yet. So the whole baby thing, gift to a t w B teen gift
Janet Beckers: Gift. That’s excellent. And we’ll put a link to that on in the podcast notes for you and and we’ll have a you know, a bit of a handout for you. I haven’t worked out the topic that we will do that on there, but if you are listening to this on iTunes, come over to the podcast page. You’ll be able to get the link to go and get leases eight steps and also we’ll, we’ll have a cheat sheet there for you. That’s, I’m going to be able to help you to be able to work out a few things, to take some action on what we’ve done today. Different to leases. Eight questions of course. And so where can we, can people find you on social media? Because what I do, I would love hear for everybody that’s listening, if, if this has resonated with you, if there is you know, something here that’s given you an Aha, one of the best things that you can do is to contact Lisa and let her know, you know, it’s wonderful feedback for, for both of us to know that what we’re sharing with you actually helps.
Janet Beckers: So you’ve got a free Facebook group too, don’t you Lisa?
Lisa McDonald: Yes I do, and perhaps what we’ll do Janet is I’ll send you the link for that. It’s a private, so people have to apply to go in because I want to be able to keep that as a safe place for people to explore. So, they need to be female. I ask them why they’re interested in and they should answer the questions. I’m not letting people integrate because if they’re not willing to answer the questions, then you know, it’s just one of my rules that I have.
Janet Beckers: So you know that this is a curated group of people who are actually passionate on this topic.
Lisa McDonald: Absolutely. And if somebody was to contravene that safe space, then they’d be out of the group pretty quickly. Yeah, definitely haven’t had any of that so far. But yes, there’s the private Facebook group certainly details on my website. So if you wanted to book in and have a chat with me, you could go coach Les mcdonald.com I’ve checked with Lisa. And it’s you know, you can ask some questions that are a bit more relevant perhaps to you. You know, the reality is is that you can’t crowd source and the answer to this question, this is something that you really got to sit back yourself, ask some questions and get your own clarity cause you’re the one that it affects your, the cons. You’re the one that suffers the consequences short and long your decisions. So you can’t crowd out so she can try, but at the end of the day, even if you ask people for their opinions, which can be useful in terms of getting some insights, but you still got to make the decision itself.
Janet Beckers: Yeah. I love it. Thanks you so much for your time, Lisa. And I would really love to hear from people when you’re listening to this, you know, is this [inaudible], is this something that, you know, either you’ve been really, really top of your mind or something that maybe has been in the back of your mind, but you know, our discussion today has made you go, Whoa, actually that has been playing around in my, in my mind there. I would love to hear from you. So either, you know, conduct, contact Lisa in the ways that she’s told us. You can leave a comment here on the on the podcast page if you’re here on iTunes. I would be very grateful if you would leave a comment and, and you know, whatever feels right for you for a star review, you know, and you can comment on this specific the specific episode if you like, or just drop me an email and and tell me what you think. That would be wonderful to get some feedback from you. So thank you so much for your time, Lisa, and yeah,
Lisa McDonald: Yeah, the opportunity and thanks to the listeners for coming along and listen to this topic. It’s one 40 minutes. It’s not that I’m for a lot of my mid, it is just in terms of making firm decisions to create the future, the probably won’t.
Janet Beckers: Excellent. And we’ll we’ll let everybody know when the book comes out. That would be very, very exciting. Okay. Thank you. Bye everybody.